I can't quite explain...

so maybe someone out there can shed some light on it for me? I just read a very lovely blog post by my cousin about my other cousin getting married. Of course I thought, "how lovely, good on them, etc etc" but the other part of me just went "Meh." I don't want to be bad natured, and I sure don't mean to be, but every time I hear about someone getting married or making plans, I just want to scream "Don't do it!!!!!!!!" I've never been interested in marriage or babies, and certainly didn't spend my childhood play time dreaming of my big white wedding and perfect married life. And I know you might be thinking that this is just a result of failing at my own marriage, but somehow it's deeper than that, and I can't explain it. I have plenty of examples of good solid lasting marriages (parents 40 something years, still going, sister coming up to a couple of decades now with her hubby) but I just can't be positive about it. Am I afraid of commitment? Or do I have a problem with the whole wedding debacle rather than being married per se? I don't know, and I just don't understand. I'm sure it's not sour grapes, to me it seems more like fear. I just don't know what I'm afraid of.